Hi anyone reading. Have been fairly quiet on here recently - sorry. I promise to get on in the next day or so and give an update on life.
In the meantime however, I felt I had to share this treasure of a story, passed on to my by Sandra.
Enjoy, I know I did (& afterwards, think how much fun we could have if we all did this - he he he).
A SENIOR MOMENT..... I HOPE I HAVE THEM LIKE THIS
A 98 year old woman in the UK wrote this to her bank.
The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the
Times.
Dear Sir,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I
endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three
nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the
arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of
course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement,
which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty eight years. You are to
be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for
debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to
your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I
personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to
contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging,
pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I,
like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan payments will therefore, and hereafter, no
longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed
personally, and confidentially, to an employee at your bank, whom you must
nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act, for any
other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require
your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry that it runs to eight pages,
but in order that I know as much about him, or her, as your bank knows
about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her
financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which
he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter
than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button
presses required for me to access my account balance on your phone bank
service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press
buttons as follows:
1 To make an appointment to see me.
2 To query a missing payment.
3 To transfer the call to my living room, in case I am there.
4 To transfer the call to my bedroom, in case I am sleeping.
5 To transfer the call to my toilet, in case I am attending to nature.
6 To transfer the call to my mobile phone, if I am not at home.
7 To leave a message on my computer, (a password to access my computer
is required. A password will be communicated to you a later date, to the
Authorized Contact.)
8 To return to the main menu, and to listen to options 1 through to 8.
9 To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put
on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will
play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting-up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman; DOESNT SHE MAKE YOU
PROUD!)
Labels: Life
